I need help removing her.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
