I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
