I could have mohawked her pubes.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
