she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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