I just saw a hot homeless man
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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