Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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