Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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