So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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