at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Did you just see the Batmobile???
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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