Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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