Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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