Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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