Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
