Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
