Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
