I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
