Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she woke up with a sticky ear
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
