There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
