if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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