Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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