I wanna bring you to show and tell
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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