so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
