The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
