those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
