so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
