I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
