i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
