Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I will pee on everything he values.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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