just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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