Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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