My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
two words: eviction party
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
