I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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