Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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