What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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