Define "chronic" masturbator.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Even my vagina gasped.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
