I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
And then he peed in my hair
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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