it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
