why didn't you poke me back
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
This toilet bowl is my home.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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