hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
