Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
