He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
