well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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