He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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