A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
When are your genitals available?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
