john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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