the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The air taste purple.
Randomize
