Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
