so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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