I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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