I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
