you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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