Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
