She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
