The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
