I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
