don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
