You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
