Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
True strength comes from lack of pants
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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