Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
