even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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