the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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