I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize