he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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