you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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