Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
