It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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