i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
