wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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