yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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