every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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