It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
40s are totally the cure
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
