I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
