If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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