you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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