Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
