If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
