I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
