If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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