I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
