Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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