Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
