I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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