Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
